im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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