as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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