Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
