also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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