that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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