The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
