Your mouth is God's brothel.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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