Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
