drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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