Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
