thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
