In the future we'll all be gay
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
