I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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