Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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