You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize