sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize