Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Houston, we have a squirter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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