hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
