The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She needs sedatives and a leash
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
