dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
