new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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