And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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