I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
