I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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