Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
