Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
