my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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