Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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