Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
