if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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