I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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