it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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