dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
