I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
