Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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