I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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