i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
