wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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