chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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