Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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