I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
