I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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