marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
