her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
