I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
