I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
