my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
