I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
