my sisters under your porch take her home
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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