Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
