I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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