You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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