Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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