I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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