why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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