I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Damn victory sex feels great
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
