Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
