Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
