FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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