saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
