she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
